Two Years, a Million Reasons to Celebrate

Sisters. Friends. Joy. Love. These are only a few of the thousand words this picture is worth. Even if you don't know what happened to these precious girls two years ago, this picture is touching. But then when you know their story, it makes it so much more special.  At least to me it does.  In my eyes, this picture is a celebration of life.

When Sofia and Olivia were born, they had only a 50% chance of survival. Their diapers were small enough to fit in the palm of my hand. Their hats were too small to fit on a tennis ball. Their eyes were sealed shut. They couldn't breathe, they couldn't eat, they couldn't regulate their body temperature. They laid alone in an incubator without feeling their mother's arms for more than 2 weeks. Olivia had heart surgery when she was only 3 days old.  She almost didn't make it....several times. The girls didn't get to see each other or touch each other for 6 weeks. They stayed 125 days in the hospital. Their poor little bodies suffered so much. There were a million 'what ifs' for the future....an unsure future. The minute these girls were born, they had to start a fight for their lives when they should've been safely in my womb for almost 4 more months.

Two years ago it was impossible to imagine this day.....today.  I could never have imagined my one pound babies would be walking, talking, running, laughing, climbing, dancing, singing.  I never imagined they would have pigtails in their hair. I never imagined how beautiful and happy they would be. I never imagined they would be this big. I couldn't even imagine the day when they would be 'normal'-sized babies. Of course I imagined all of these things when I knew I was pregnant with 2 little baby girls, but all of these images were wiped away once they were born. When tragedy strikes, it is impossible to imagine the future...especially a good one. It is overwhelming to imagine what might happen when the odds are against you.  It's scary to imagine that everything will be fine in the end, when you know it's quite possible that won't happen. When tragedy strikes, you live in the moment. Baby steps. One day at a time. One minute at a time. If things are good now, soak in the happiness and don't worry about what might happen tomorrow.

I have come to accept that April 3rd is not a day I will ever want to really celebrate. The girls came into a world they weren't ready for yet, and a world that wasn't quite ready for them. But their birth was the beginning of a story- a story that tells a journey of hope, faith, and love. I don't want to celebrate the actual day that the girls were born or how they were born, but I do want to celebrate the fact that they were brought into our lives. I want to celebrate their bravery, strength, and determination. I want to celebrate the doctors and nurses who took care of them and saved their lives. I want to celebrate the way they have changed our lives and taught us so much. I want to celebrate the way they have touched so many people's lives. I want to celebrate THEM. The world is a better place because of these two girls. There is so much to celebrate.

I heard about a necklace from another preemie mother...a necklace which says, 'You are worth it all.' It is so true. Sofia and Olivia, you are both worth it all. You are worth every single tear I shed during the difficult first months. You are worth every single minute of the 125 days I sat in the hospital with you. You are worth every single worry, every single sleepless night, every single doctor visit, every single way you have changed our lives. When I see you, I see more than just your cute and happy little faces. I see our journey together. That journey is more meaningful than any other journey I've been on and it is more beautiful than anything I could've ever imagined or wished for. You are so totally worth it all.

A very very happy birthday to my beautiful baby girls, who are so big now.  I love you so much....and if it's possible, every day just a little bit more. The song I sang to you while your weak little bodies were nestled inside my shirt is the same song I sing to you today:

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

You make me happy when skies are gray.

You'll never know just how much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away.

From then......

 Until now....

These are my reasons to celebrate.