hospital life

Sisterly love


Starting to be a tight fit!



Phew...what a week it has been. Life is really like a rollercoaster these days. Thankfully the week has ended on a good note. :)

Earlier this week, after having been diagnosed with a post-pregnancy infection, I was told to go to the emergency room because of my symptoms. The doctors discovered that part of the placenta was still inside, which was causing all sorts of problems. I checked into the hospital on Wednesday for a D&C, and the procedure turned out to be a bit more complicated than expected. The piece of placenta they found was much bigger than they thought, and it was really stuck. It took a long time and I lost a lot of blood...and unfortunately the doctors are still not sure that they got everything. I have to go back in a few weeks to check, and possibly have the same procedure done again. Ugghhh. Not fun. Hospital life is really getting old and I am hoping that I don't have to wear a hospital gown again this year....or ever! Thankfully this is nothing dangerous, but just an inconvenience that we really didn't need right now. We don't need more than half of our family in the hospital at the same time!

The girls have been ok this week and growing a lot, but I was a bit discouraged after a discussion with the eye doctor. She said it is 95% sure that both of the girls will have ROP eye disease, and she didn't say much more than that. It sounded scary (she was so direct!) and freaked me out. I researched the disease when I came home, and just the like brain bleeding there are different levels. Level one and two probably don't have any long-term consequences, but higher than that can lead to major vision problems or blindness. They can treat the disease with laser therapy, which has been quite successful. So basically we just have to hope that the girls will have a mild case, and that it can be treated without any lasting consequences. It's so hard to relax when there are so many unknowns still, but we have to hope that the girls will have continued good luck and strength.

The breathing has so far been the major problem. Caffeine has been helping (the dose they get is equivalent to 7 cups of coffee for us...amazing they can sleep!), as well as small doses of cortisone. The carbon dioxide levels have been fluctuating a lot, but overall have been low enough that they don't need extra breathing help. They still have oxygen masks on most of the time, but the oxygen is the same as room level. They've also had small periods where they wear just the nasal canula, which is wonderful...then I can see their whole head and face and they look so cute! The girls look quite similar with all the hats, masks, tubes, etc., but when all of those come off they look really different. I don't think we'll have any trouble telling them apart. :)

After looking at the pictures we've taken and hearing comments from people who have seen the girls, we've realized that the pictures really don't do justice. It's impossible to understand how very tiny the girls are until you see them in real life. In spite of that, I will put a few comparison pictures (even though these won't do justice either):

The girls' first diaper size compared to Matias's current size:


Matias's hat and Sofia's hat:


...and keep in mind that Matias is only 1 year old!

We got the best news yesterday. The nurse taking care of the girls told us that next week they will probably move the girls to Jorvi, the hospital where they will continue growing until they come home. At this moment Sofia and Olivia are in the best condition of all the babies in the NICU, so they are next in line to go. When it's sure that the breathing is under control and that there are no major problems, then they will be taken by ambulance to their next 'home'. I started crying when the nurse told me this because it just means that they are one step closer to coming home. I cannot wait!! :)

Moving day!

I cannot believe how great this week has been. It seems that every day we've gone to the hospital, we've gotten only smiles and good news. We even had an hour-long meeting with the doctor yesterday, and unlike the last meeting which was a huge reality check for us (the doctor said 'your girls are very, very sick'), this meeting went really well. Compared to most newborns the girls are still of course sick, but the prognosis looks quite good. In Finland in the past years there have very rarely been cases of blindness and it's also uncommon for there to be severe mental retardation or cerebral palsy. The doctors can't of course promise anything because they won't even know for months (or even years) what damage has been done to their brains from the brain bleeding, lack of oxygen, etc., but they sound quite positive.
So what do we know? We know for sure that the girls have a chronic lung disease which will be similar to asthma. I have asthma, so it's more than likely that some of our kids would've had asthma anyway. It's scary, but we can definitely deal with that. We also know that the girls will more than likely have to wear glasses. I am practically blind without my contacts, so some of our kids would've most likely had to wear glasses anyway. We also know that it's very likely that the girls will have some learning problems in school. I am a teacher and will of course do as much research as I can on whatever problems they have so I can help them at home. All of these problems seem really manageable.
I don't want to get my hopes up because I know the road is still very long and will have a lot of bumps, but somehow this week has made everything seem a bit better. Most of the tears I've had this week have only been tears of happiness. Speaking of which...today was MOVING DAY!!
The girls are now roommates and that makes me so happy! They are getting big and strong enough that they don't need to be in the closed incubators anymore, so they are sharing the same open bed. I cannot even describe what a big deal this is to me. Sofia and Olivia are going to be together 24 hours a day, which is just how they are supposed to be. Seeing them laying there together with their own little stuffed animals and name tags next to each other...ahhhhh! It makes such a big difference that they are in the open now too. I can just touch them whenever I want...pick them up whenever I want...look at them and comfort them both at the same time. Did I mention what a huge deal this is?? :))) Today is the first time that I really and truly felt like they are my own little babies. I cannot wait to bring them home and have never been more excited than today... :)

The girls' new house...


Roomies


And not to leave out Matias, I have to tell about our fun afternoon at Linnanmäki amusement park. After a few hours with the girls, we took Matias to go on a few rides with Tero's brother Jouni and his son Emil. Matias didn't show too much excitement from his first rides, but at least he wasn't scared or upset either. We think he had fun. :) Nothing beat the shovel though. Matias won a plastic shovel from one of the games, and he would not let go of it for the rest of the day. He even tried to dig on the pavement. Funny. ;)

Matias's first ride


Matias, Daddy, and 'the shovel'


Time to eat, and the shovel is still a hit

Happiness is...

Happiness is waking up in the morning to birds singing and a beautiful blue sky. Happiness is hearing the pitter patter of little feet and the 'goo goo ga ga coo coo ka ka' of a singing toddler. Happiness is walking into a hospital room and being greeted by smiling nurses who tell you that your babies are doing better every day. Happiness is giving your almost 7-week-old baby her first real bath. Happiness is seeing your baby's whole face and head for the first time without any tubes or wires or hats. Happiness is having your toddler run toward you with open arms and a huge smile when you pick him up from daycare. Happiness is seeing friends and colleagues who make you smile and remind you of how many people in the world really care about you.

So that was my day today. A very nice day. Is life actually better when the sun is shining or does it just seem like it? :) The best news today is that Sofia and Olivia are doing well. Really well. Both of them have an oxygen mask on for those moments when they are stressed or feeling tired, but they are breathing on their own...all the time. So many things happened today too to make them seem like 'real' babies. When Olivia was crying in her incubator, I put my arms through the holes and picked her up to rock her a bit. She stopped crying almost immediately. Then I got to give Sofia a real bath in a real little tub. She had some oxygen part of the time, but mostly she was totally free from all wires. She was just a naked little baby in a tub. I was of course totally nervous holding her there because she was really slippery and squirmy, but she seemed to enjoy it. I am actually shocked when I look at the pictures now, because she looks like a normal-sized baby. She's not, but wow....she looks really really big. And I look really really happy. :)))



Sofia after her bath with her cute clothes from Grandma:




I also got to hold Olivia in my lap today in the way that you normally hold babies (i.e. not in my shirt). I held her in front of me, facing me, and had a nice long talk with her as she stared at my face. She amazingly stayed awake for half an hour just looking at me and sticking out her tongue. It was wonderful.

Hoping that the sun will be shining tomorrow too. :)

Looking back....

Here I was at 24 weeks pregnant. Little did I know that this would be the last picture of my pregnant belly. I really cannot believe that I should've kept growing for 3 and a half months after this picture was taken. The girls would've probably been 10 pounders!

Not much 'new' news to share today, so just thought I'd share a few of my favorite pictures so far...pictures that make me happy. :)

First time touching Sofia



Olivia's first clothes




Sofia's first dress



First time holding Olivia



First time Tero and I held the girls at the same time



Together at last




Funny that every picture I love is a 'first' picture. Each of these events has been so special to us. They are small things that most new parents get to do in the first few minutes and hours after birth. In spite of the tears and heartache most days, how lucky are we to get to experience and savor these moments one by one? Such a great lesson for life too....don't take anything for granted, even the smallest thing you get to do every day.

Even after only 6 weeks, the change we see in the girls is amazing. They are so much bigger (their weight has already doubled), so much healthier-looking...so much more like the babies I had imagined giving birth to. It's getting harder and harder to say goodbye to them as I leave each day, but I know that they are in the best hands possible. One day we will have them home....and that will be perhaps the happiest day of our lives. Every day more that we have to wait will just make that homecoming day even more exciting. What a wonderful thing to look forward to. I can already picture our house filled with pink balloons, 'birthday' gifts, cake, flowers, and LOTS of tissues. :)))

The best day..

Getting to hold the girls together for the first time yesterday was so wonderful...and it made a lot of people in the NICU smile. One of the nurses had goosebumps on her arms and was so excited to put the babies together. She actually said she might be more excited than I was. Not sure if that's possible, but I bet she came in a close 2nd. :) Olivia was having a bit of a rough day and was really tired, but Sofia had her eyes wide open and spent a lot of time studying Olivia. She grabbed Olivia's arm a few times and when she fell asleep she had her arm resting on her sister's. I had tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat the whole time I was watching them. Even during this incredibly difficult time, it seems that every day gives us a reason to celebrate.


Together at last...


'HI SIS!'