I had made a promise when the girls were born that I would never ever again complain about my kids or how difficult my life was....because I couldn't imagine anything being harder than watching the girls suffering in the hospital. I am, however, human. The kids have been...ummm, a bit challenging these last few weeks. It feels like the terrible twos times 3. I think it's partly a post-move reaction and also a change in nap times, daily routines, food, etc. I'm glad I found this old post. I do know how lucky I am, so I need to sometimes just slow down and remind myself that this 'bad' is not anywhere near the 'bad' that I know exists.
Why am I lucky? I'm lucky because I grew up with good parents, good brothers, good friends. I am lucky that I had the courage to move to Finland when I was 21 and to eventually find the man who would be the father of my children. I am lucky that I had a job I loved for 10 years. And most of all, I am lucky that I get to be the mom of these three fantastic kids. I love these guys to pieces, bad days and all.
January 2011
After what happened to us last year, most people probably wouldn't consider me the luckiest person in the world. I believe that seeing your own babies fighting to stay alive and almost losing them has to be one of the most devastating experiences a person can have. And I am no stranger to tragedy, having had a few other quite traumatic experiences in my life as well.
And yet I would still say that I'm lucky.
Although it is less than fun to experience heartache, I believe that it has its purpose (as everything does). Something good can usually come out of something bad. At least for me, the trauma and drama in my life has given me a whole new perspective and a greater appreciation for basically everything. Of course I wouldn't ever purposely choose to have bad things happen to me, but it these events have made me a better, stronger, and happier person today. I am able to find joy in the smallest miracles of everyday life. I don't take anything for granted, especially my kids. It takes so little to amaze me, to make me happy, to make my heart overflow with love, to move me to tears. I know that I would have loved my children to pieces no matter how they entered the world, but the love I feel now is just impossible to describe. It is overwhelming. My heart melts 100 times a day. Almost every day I imagine how utterly unbearable it would have been if one (or both) of the girls had died....and it makes me cry. No matter how tired I am, how grumpy the kids are, how rough the day is...it is not as bad as living with the sadness of what could have happened. So I try not to complain.
Sometimes I have been a bit bothered by status updates and comments that I read on Facebook...or maybe bothered isn't the right word. Just sad, I guess. I feel like a lot of people don't appreciate life or truly understand how lucky they really are. I know that everyone has their own trials in life, big and small, but it's hard to be bombarded by the negative messages I read sometimes. I remember shortly after the girls were born reading about how some people had 'the crappiest day ever' because they left their umbrella at home and got a bit wet in the rain....or they just cleaned the floor and then dropped a carton of eggs....or maybe because someone was a bit rude to them in the check-out line. If only those were the biggest problems in life! As I prayed for my extremely sick babies, I wished that my problems would be so small.
I know that some people haven't experienced devastating events in their lives, and that may make them feel pretty darn lucky. For some people, dropping a carton of eggs on the floor might really be the worst thing that has ever happened. I'm not so sure how lucky that really is though. Life is full of disappointments....lots of small ones, and quite a few big ones. Maybe if you never experience the big ones, the small ones that happen all the time would probably annoy you over and over again....making you feel pretty grumpy. But if you have a big one (or two or five), perhaps you realize how totally insignificant all of those little ones really are....and you will enjoy life more in the long run. Some of the happiest and most positive people I've met are ones who have overcome huge trials in their lives.
I don't really know what my purpose was for writing this blog. I guess I just wish everyone knew how much they have to be thankful for. I wish people could know and feel the joy that I do. I wish that no child would ever taken for granted. Of course it's ok to complain once in awhile. Everyone has bad days and all moms are tired. Believe me, I know. We have our share of 'Calgon, take me away' moments around here too! Just try to think of all the joy children bring to your life as well. If you feel like you had the worst day in the world (maybe you did!), it's ok to shout it out to the world. Just remind yourself that there are probably many millions of people who would trade their bad day for yours. No matter how you might feel in any particular moment, you have so much to be thankful for. Things can always be worse. I'm pretty sure that life has a way of balancing everything out in the end. If you have horrible days, you will most likely have some pretty good ones just around the corner. If you have really big lows in your life, you will also have some huge highs. If you don't know sadness, you can't truly know happiness, right?
Smiles, laughter, and happiness are contagious. It would be great if everyone could do their best to spread the love and joy they have in their lives. We are all lucky in one way or another. Why are you lucky?
Great post, Alyssa! It is always a good reminder to be thankful. :)
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