hospital visits

I never never never never ever want to be at the hospital again. Ever. A person would think that after spending 124 days in a row at the hospital this spring/summer, that 2 or 3 days wouldn't be a big deal. I would think that too. Totally wrong. In the beginning the girls didn't really belong to us yet...they were hospital babies. As hard as it was to sit in the hospital all day and leave them in the evening, this week was on some level even harder. Now that the girls have been home and are really important members of our family, we don't want to live even a day without them. Now we know what we're missing. Our family of 4 seemed so small....too small. Matias waking up and saying 'Ovia sick, Ovia sad' one morning and then the next morning asking where is his 'other one sister' made me cry. We need our babies to stay healthy and stay with us.



Sofia had a quick emergency room visit last Thursday night with a 39.5 C fever and was diagnosed with a double ear infection and a normal cold. Olivia has been coughing for basically 2 months, sometimes worse and sometimes better, but now with all of us being sick a few weeks ago she wasn't able to handle it anymore. She was having coughing attacks and vomiting (a lot) and nobody was getting any sleep. Tero took her to the emergency room on Monday night and after the doctor heard her cough once, she was admitted as a patient. The doctor was worried it could be pertussis (whooping cough) or the beginning of pneumonia, which can be dangerous even for an otherwise healthy child. Tero was keeping me updated with text messages and I was so worried, I couldn't sleep. Tero came home at 2.00 a.m. without Olivia and we both felt so sick and so sad. Olivia is sleeping in a room all alone. What if she cries? What if she needs to be held? What if she's hungry and the nurses don't know? What if she's scared? What if the nurses give her the wrong food? What if, what if, what if. Nobody can take care of her like her own parents. She needs us and it's not ok that she's in the hospital all alone.



We took Matias to daycare on Tuesday morning, then headed with Sofia to the hospital. We spent the day in a super small room playing with our happy little girls. I held Olivia A LOT and realized even more how special she is to me. Man, I love my kids. Tero brought Matias to see his sisters in the evening and he was really happy. :) ' Ovia Ovia hospital Ovia' he kept saying. Tero then took Matias and Sofia home to get them ready for bed and I stayed with Olivia until she went to bed for the night. It was so nice to spend time alone with her and give her evening porridge and bottle. She seemed to be feeling ok and gave me lots of big smiles. Somehow I think she knew I was going to leave after I rocked her to sleep, and she was staring at me with her big blue eyes and grabbing onto my sweater. I felt SO bad. I was crying the whole time and I stood next to her bed with my coat on for half an hour before I had the heart to leave. It would have been possible to stay the night in the room, but I wouldn't have gotten any sleep with the nurses giving medicine every hour. I had no idea how long they were going to keep her there and I knew I had to get some sleep since I'd hardly slept the previous night. Plus I had Sofia and Matias to think about at home and Tero had to do some work the next day and wouldn't be able to take care of all the kids.



So off to the hospital again with Sofia yesterday. When I saw the nurse in Olivia's room, I tried to keep back the tears and I told her that we really wanted to have Olivia at home. The doctor had said a few days at least, but I knew we could take care of her. She didn't seem that sick thanks to all the medicine she was getting and we could give most of that medicine at home. She didn't have a fever and wasn't having any coughing attacks anymore....at least not so bad. The doctor agreed that she could go home on the condition that we bring her back immediately if it gets bad again. So we came home yesterday afternoon and I was so happy. So relieved.



I really don't know what we're supposed to do to keep the girls healthy. Matias is in daycare and is getting sick all the time. Just when his coughing and runny nose have stopped, there's usually only a 2-3 day break before the next round starts. If he gets sick, the girls will get sick too. We live in a small apartment and Matias wipes his germs everywhere. It's impossible to keep him away from the girls and I don't want to be telling him all the time to stay away from the babies. I don't want him to think he can't touch his own sisters. I cannot keep Matias at home with me though (even though most days I would want to), for the main reason that he needs to be with kids his own age and play and I cannot take the girls anywhere where there are kids. It's a no-win situation really. Either I have a sad toddler sitting around at home with me getting no social interaction (and probably then getting into lots of trouble!) or I have to risk the girls getting sick. What are we supposed to do?